After the Job
by M J Azilem
Summary: a tag to 'Recipe for Heavy Bread' episode 2x02. Takes place the evening after the job is done. Everyone seemed to be doing really well handling all the memories of the POW camp that the Job brought up, even Murdock. When Amy comes back Hannibal and the guys have a serious favor to ask her it involves golf balls. No real slash just friendship. may contain reference to violence
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the A- Team

AN: This is a little imagining of the aftermath of the episode 'Recipe for Heavy Bread' 2x02. Which dealt with character's from the guys past as POWs. The episode was kind of light like many A-Team episodes are I wanted to look at it a little more seriously. This isn't an action fic this is kind of a mental/ talking about things fic. If you haven't read any fics about the teams time as POWs I personally enjoyed PenntCent's 'Honor' and Sandilynn Petersen's 'Morale'.

Also I don't dislike Amy, she's just kind of used as a catalyst in this story.

**Chapter 1: **The Crash

The last couple of days had been an intense ride of stirred up emotions and very real danger.

Chasing down a drug lord who happened to be the former commander of the prisoner of war camp were they had been held prisoner and who was trying to kill the one man in the camp who had helped them had really made it a roller coaster for all of the team.

Now it was quiet in B.A.'s hotel room. The excitement and energy of the last two days seemed to have drained out of the team. Jobs always seemed more extreme when they were personal, this one had been one of the most extreme and most personal jobs they'd ever had. The highs were higher and the lows were definitely lower.

Coming down off the adrenaline of a job was different after each mission. Sometimes the crash was hard but when things went well it could be like sinking into a satisfied haze.

This time things had ended well; in fact it was a better ending to that period in their lives than any of them could have hoped for. But it had been such a reminder of their time in the POW camp that the stress of it all had taken a tole and it felt like they'd run a marathon now that it was done.

Hannibal said he 'loved it when a plan came together' and they'd all smiled then the realization that the job was over hit and the crash began. The muscles that had been wound up good and tight, tense for a fight, tense from the mental strain now uncoiled and ached.

Hannibal and Face sat at B.A.'s kitchen table nursing cups of black coffee talking softly about acting jobs and new scams and nothing. Meanwhile B.A. and Murdock lounged on the couch. Cartoons playing softly on the t.v.

Murdock had finally fallen asleep. It hadn't been easy to get him to relax even though he'd looked exhausted when it was all over. He'd still wanted to talk about the plight of the golf balls and continued to rattle on about their ill treatment.

Hannibal and Face had tried their best to humor him for a while hoping he'd calm down but B.A. got agitated with Murdock's ramblings pretty quick and let everyone know he wouldn't take much more. Finally Face assured Murdock that at least under their roof all golf balls were safe. That seemed to help.

Now he was sleeping peacefully if not comfortably His hat was cockeyed on his head, his jacket was draped over his shoulder like a blanket and he was kind of half slouched over leaning against B.A. as the other sat quietly flipping through an automotive magazine seemingly unfazed about being a pillow.

When an unexpected knock at the door sounded off like a gun shot in the small hotel room Hannibal and Face jump to the edges of their seats and B.A. looking up from his magazine and glared. They weren't expecting anyone and B.A. indicated that he didn't know who it could be knocking. Each of them eyed the door, their hearts beating hard in their chests.

B.A. started to move but Face gestured for him to stay put and not jostle Murdock. Face moved quietly to the peephole. After a moment of anticipation he sighed with relief and opened the door.

Amy was on the other side. "Hi guys I'm back!" She smiled cheerily and lifted up two large bags of sub sandwiches and chips as she strolled back into the hotel room.

"sshhh" Face quickly hushed her as he closed and locked the door behind them. She started to turn and ask him what was the matter when she noticed Murdock was sleeping on the couch. She completely missed Face's look of mild irritation.

"Oh sorry." She stage whispered a giggly apology, gave a sheepish shrug to B.A. who gave her a stern warning look as she moved to the kitchenette.

Hannibal took the bags from her and set them on the table. "We didn't expect you to be back tonight Kid." it was a statement but the question was implied.

Amy set her purse down on the counter and started to shrug off her coat. "I thought you'd be anxious to hear how everything went with Lin" Face took her coat for her. "and oh, I wrote a few paragraphs for Murdock, you know about the golf balls, it's cute. I thought it would make him happy." Amy pulled her notepad and pen out and started flipping to the right pages.

She chuckled at something clever she'd jotted down earlier and started to share it with the guys but stopped when she looked up. Her mouth hung open as the words she was about to say caught in her throat. She was shocked by the surprisingly somber expressions on their faces and taken aback by the total shift in mood from earlier.

"What's the matter?" she asked concerned. The big triumphant smile that she'd worn since that afternoon slid from her face as she tried to quickly assess the situation.

She knew from experience with the team that sometimes new jobs and new dangers popped up fast. If that was the case, she thought, it was a shame it had to come on the heals of such a happy win. She felt the guys really deserved to sit back and enjoy it.

"Hannibal you need to tell her." B.A. took some glasses out of a cabinet and placed them on the table and Face found some plates.

Amy noticed that Murdock was now laying down on the length of the couch and a thin blanket covered him, his hat and jacket carefully placed off to the side. It warmed her heart to see B.A.'s thoughtful side.

Her warm feeling didn't last long it was doused by the chilly tone Hannibal used to tell her to take a seat. She sat and was struck by the seriousness of what was going on when all three of the guys sat at the table with her and none of them touched the food she'd brought. She was glad for a second that she'd decided on cold subs rather than hot pizza.

"Is everything alright?" she asked nervously, all kinds of different scenarios raced through her mind.

"It's fine, fine." Face started in a comforting tone. "It's just about the little golf ball article..." Amy was again surprised. She was not expecting that this apparently serious conversation was going to be about the silly golf ball article. She tried to anticipate where the conversation must be going.

"Oh this, don't worry about it, it's no trouble. It won't take long and I really think that I might be able to pitch it to the paper as something for the funny pages. Do you think Murdock would be ok with that? Any press is good press right." She smiled at them and expected the mood to lighten. her smile was once again squashed and Amy was left confused.

"Ahh well no Amy," Face sputtered. "We think it was really great of you to play along with Murdock."

Amy had always liked Murdock, he was a nice man, certainly sweet if a little special. The odd ball things he did sometimes got weird or annoying or embarrassing but it all seemed mostly harmless. She'd seen Face and Hannibal play along so when she could and it brought a smile to Murdock's face it made her happy.

"But..." Face started and Hannibal finished. "We'd like you to not bring it up again." Hannibal words were stern. Amy was confused by them and the inexplicable sadness she could see in Hannibal's eyes.

"I don't understand. I thought..."

"Somebody just explain, so she can understand." B.A. prompted in a soft solemn uncharacteristic way. Amy saw as he looked quickly over his shoulder back towards the couch and the sleeping captain.

"We know what you thought Amy," Face looked at her with an apologetic expression. "and usually, you know, playing along when Murdock is being Murdock is perfectly fine."

Amy stared at them and she wished they'd just come out and say what they were getting at but they all seemed hesitant. "It's been invisible dogs and stuffed bears, what is so unusual about golf balls?"

"Sssshhh" Face hushed her for the second time since she'd been there. She bit her lip, she'd let her voice raise with her growing frustration. She felt bad about it but she was starting to feel like she was being lectured and she didn't know what she'd done wrong.

Face got up from his chair at the far end of the table. He moved to lean against the counter. He stood looking out into the living room. "Look it seems like the same old silliness, but believe me nothing about this job was usual for any of us."

"I can't believe Lin Duk Coo's safe in America." B.A.'s voice had an air of awe to it even as he spoke softly.

"and that sleaze Angel and can you believe General Chow are going to prison." Face mused behind her.

A low grumble came from B.A. "Anything those two get is too good for them." His look of utter disgust spoke volumes about just how strongly he felt on the subject.

Hannibal was more optimistic and he patted B.A.'s shoulder. "Yeah but it's more than we ever thought they'd get."

Amy started to feel like she was intruding.

It felt like the guys were finally reflecting on all that had happened the past couple days and so many years ago during the War. She had a strong feeling they didn't often sit around reflecting on this part of their lives, certainly not in front of her.

"I'm really happy for you guys, it must be a really great feeling to get closure like that."

Hannibal nodded. "Some of it was nice, real nice. But it didn't come without a price." he informed her and then looked up at Face and B.A. "I'm proud of him, he kept it together."

"Yeah really well." B.A. agreed. A small sad smile played briefly across his features.

"I really hope it doesn't cost him too much." Face looked guilty for some reason Amy couldn't follow.

"You did the right thing Lieutenant, it would have been wrong to exclude him." Hannibal tried to reassure the younger man and then they were all quiet for a minuet.

Amy watched as they all seemed to be deep in thought, she wondered what they were all thinking about. She assumed they had been speaking about Murdock. It seemed odd that they should with him sleeping in the next room.

She sat back and tried to make herself as small as possible, she really felt like she was witnessing something she didn't have a right to. When she spoke, she spoke softly and sincerely.

"I was really glad I got to help you with this one it was truly an honor, and if you don't want me to bring up the golf ball story again I won't."

**TBC...**

Thank you for reading and reviewing.

This will probably have three chapters. In the next one Amy will understand.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: **Understanding

"I was really glad I got to help you with this one it was truly an honor, and if you don't want me to bring up the golf ball story again I won't." Amy agreed to their wishes, if they thought it was best not to talk about the golf ball liberation army with Murdock again then fine she could respect that.

There was a sad smile on Hannibal's face when he looked at her again. "You have to understand why for Murdock's sake we shouldn't bring it up again unless he wants to talk about it. You have to understand that that POW camp was hell. No one got off easy. Everyone was starving and sick and suffering at the hands of the guards and interrogators." Amy could see B.A. grimace at the words and the images they called up and she imagined Face was behind her grimacing in a similar way as Hannibal spoke simply about what they went through.

"Murdock was a favorite of the interrogators." Hannibal stated. Amy's brows furrowed as she cautioned a guess at what that meant. Hannibal waited.

She didn't want to believe, she didn't want to say the word 'torture'. She didn't even want to think it but the dawning of her understanding must have come across her face because Hannibal nodded slowly.

"Man they were always taken that fool, more than anybody else and working him over for hours and then throwing him back... bloody and beaten." B.A.'s hands clenched into fists and again Hannibal's hand went to rest reassuringly on the sergeant's shoulder.

"But he always smiled didn't he, always wanted to ask how everyone else was, always joked even as the guards came to drag him away again." Face spoke and Amy could hear the admiration in his voice.

"Why Murdock?" Amy felt strange asking the question, but it seemed reasonable. Why would the VC want to question, 'torture' Amy thought with a lump in her throat, Murdock of all the soldiers in the camp? Certainly with Hannibal there Murdock wasn't even the highest ranking prisoner.

Hannibal shook his head. "The VC were always hard on pilots."

Amy supposed that was a believable reason still Hannibal's explanation seemed a little terse. It left her feeling like maybe he wasn't telling her everything. She looked to B.A. and Face but they didn't volunteer any other explanation.

B.A. sat at the end of the table wringing a paper napkin nervously. When Face had told them that he thought he saw Lin Duk Coo in Los Angeles B.A. had been skeptical, excited, and worried all at the same time. B.A. was so very happy that Lin, the man who had truly saved their lives back in the camp, was now safe and on his way to a better life.

Still he hated all this talk and reminders of that time, it was something that he put out of his mind and chose not to think about. He knew that Murdock's strength was going to be tested as soon as Face said 'Lin Duk Coo.' 'The fool' B.A. thought affectionately, had held it together better than he thought he would, now they just had to help the crazy man keep it together.

"I know seeing Lin and that man Angel called up all kinda of memories, it can't have been easy on Murdock or any of you." By the looks on their tired faces Amy was sure that was the price Hannibal had mentioned earlier. "But Murdock didn't seem to be any worse off than any of you, he certainly seemed to be his upbeat self. I didn't think he was dwelling on on the past, the golf ball thing seemed to be keeping him busy." She still didn't see the big deal. She thought a lot of the silly things Murdock did were just a way to keep from being bored.

"He was real strong through this, Amy, but he was thinking about the past poor fool couldn't help but dwell on it." B.A. shook his head sadly.

"Was he really that bad?" Amy thought back over the last two days, it had all happened so fast maybe she'd missed something, it wasn't like she was watching Murdock the whole time.

"He couldn't hardly focus on anything else. Couldn't focus enough to help us find the dope or outfit the van." Face tried to tell her.

Amy did remembered Murdock had talked while all the rest of them had worked on dismantling the bread van and the bread inside. "But he seemed alright, smiling, laughing, silly with talk about golf balls." 'and he instructed Lin and I how to over take General Chow in the copter just fine' Amy thought.

"What did he say, Amy, when he was talking about the golfballs?" Hannibal prompted. He wanted her to understand, he wasn't going to let this go. Amy had been around the team for awhile now, he intended to treat her like one of his team. That meant making her use her head and making sure she knew she had a responsibility to look out for the safety and well being of the rest of the team. Just like the rest of them.

"It was about the life of the golf ball. You know, 'life in a cellophane package.'" She used air quotes and Hannibal bristled at her glibness.

"Yes but what about the life of those golf balls?" Face spoke up. Amy felt like she was taking a test she hadn't study for.

She felt silly trying to recall the silly things Murdock had said about the silly golf balls. He'd rambled on about them on golf course, in the van, in the garage, and when she over heard him talking to Hannibal. It took her a second to get it, get what had upset the others so much.

When she got it, it was like she'd been hit in the gut.

He'd been talking about beatings, being torn from bed and torture to any one who would listen. She felt like she might be sick when she remembered how she'd rolled her eyes and how she'd laughed.

"Oh my,"she swallowed hard and looked Hannibal in the eye and then B.A. like she was seeing them for the first time that night. "I'm sorry, I had no idea."

"It's alright Amy you didn't know." Face put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She really hadn't realized.

"It's just the way his brain was trying to cope with the memories and keep going." Hannibal explained seriously. Amy thought back over the days, obviously the golf ball stuff had started at the golf course, had Murdock seemed ok before then? What else had she missed?

She remembered him talking seriously about the camp at lunch, how all the guys were starving and how Lin had helped them. His seriousness had stood out to Amy it was a side of him she didn't often see.

"So do you understand why we'd like you to not bring it up again? He doesn't need us to remind him. If he moves on then we should too. If he does, you know, talk about it again just, just let him get it out." Face gave her shoulder a friendly squeeze.

"Yes I understand." and she did now. She also understood, even more so now, that with the team there was always more then met the eye.

"Great, then lets eat." Hannibal final let his serious facade drop and he genuinely smiled as reached for the sandwiches. "And you can tell us how everything went Lin."

"right, yeah." Amy put on a smile but it wasn't the cheery smile she'd worn before. She stood up from the table an excused herself. "I think I'll wash up first."

Face watched Amy move through the living room. He'd wished they hadn't had to push her like that but if they'd just come out and told her and not made her really think about it well, she just might not have understood the seriousness. Murdock's mental health was serious.

The pilot was still sleeping when the other's started pulling food out. B.A. wondered if they should wake him up so he could eat. He figured what the other's must have figured too Murdock could eat later he should sleep now. Hopefully he'd be able to recharge and reboot. Hopefully when he woke up he'd be back and not dwelling on their time in the camp.

Amy went to the bathroom and locked the door. She ran a hand over her face and let out a breathy sigh. It had turned into a long day.

She splashed some water on her face trying to relax and processes everything she'd been learned.

She just got so caught up in the thrill and excitement of the jobs and 'the jazz' sometimes that she let herself believe that she was one of the boys. It was easy to forget that she really didn't know all that much about where they were coming from.

She knew they'd been in a POW camp together during the War and she'd seen news footage and read the reports about those camps. But she'd had a hard time picturing the team as anything but what they were now.

She imagined them in the camp Hannibal with his cigar and a smirk, Face charming the socks off of everyone, B.A. growling at anyone who looked at him funny, and Murdock putting on puppet shows and making up tall tales to entertain the other prisoners. She imagined them hungry and scruffy like the men in that Steve Mcqueen movie 'The Great Escape' but not beaten and not tortured.

How could they torture her guys and 'my god' she thought do the worst to Murdock.

She wished she had known earlier she would have made sure to kick General Chow hard where the sun don't shine.

Murdock often seemed so child like with all his silly antics and had a surprising air of innocence about him at times. She could understand why the guys were working so hard to protect him now. Gosh she wanted to protect Murdock. She knew he wasn't a child, knew that he was an intelligent capable man or at least he had been before he was a mental patient, his file certainly painted an impressive picture.

She wondered how different he'd been back then to the man she knew today. Would she even recognize him, would she recognized any of them?

She dried off her face and looked in the mirror. She took a deep breath and tried to remind herself that nothing had changed she'd just gotten to know the guys a little better was all.

The twisted side of her brain reminded her that even still she didn't know the whole story, they had spared her the gory details of their horrific ordeal. She would probably never truly know the extent to which they suffered. She tried hard to not let her imagination run away with that thought and bit her lip before her brain could started trying to fill in the gaps.

Her job as a friend and a member of the team was to be supportive and help them, all of them, any way she could as they dealt with this chapter in their lives and got back to what they were good at.

TBC...

In the next chapter Amy attempts to help. It's mostly written but suggestions are still welcome. Thank you for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: **Help

Amy knew her job as a friend and a member of the team was to be supportive and help them, all of them, any way she could as they dealt with this chapter in their lives and got back to what they were good at.

She paused for a moment out side the bathroom on her way back, taking a deep breath and steeling herself. It was dark out now and there weren't many lights on in the small hotel room. In the ambient light from the kitchen she could see Murdock sleeping on the couch.

He wasn't wearing his jacket. It was funny thinking about it but it was rare that Amy saw him without it. She was so use to it seeing him wear it, without it's bulk he looked shockingly smaller. It kind of reminded her of when her father used to give their pet collie a haircut when she was a growing up. The dog had always looked too skinny afterwards. Murdock without his leather jacket looked too skinny. His boney shoulder stuck up under the blanket.

The images she'd tried to keep her imagination from conjuring before now raced through her mind. She could imagine too vividly Murdock starving and hurt, the thought made her heart ache.

As she walked into the living room she saw Murdock wasn't sleeping as peacefully as he had been. His expression was pained, she knew he must be having a bad dream. He made sort of a sobbing noise in his sleep and Amy instinctually went to try and comfort him. She leaned over, put a hand on his shoulder and started to gently shake him.

"Amy don't!" Hannibal's voice cut through the quiet room and she turned back to the kitchen to see what the matter was. That was the only reason she didn't get hit in the face.

The small shake she'd given his shoulder, to her surprise, caused Murdock to lash out. He threw his arms out wildly in her direction; knocking her off balance causing her to fall back onto the coffee table.

She was shocked and startled but she could see when she looked back at him he was terrified. She hadn't seen pure terror many times in her life but she knew that's what she was seeing now. His eyes were wide and unfocused in the dim light, he was looking all around but didn't seem to see anything. she saw as his sharp shoulders started to tremble.

Had she caused that?

Face and B.A. came rushing into the living room. Murdock now tangled in the blanket lay with his knees up to his chest and his arms protectively covering his head like someone who was afraid they were going to be struck. Amy could hear him breathing fast and heavy like he might hyperventilate.

Face came and helped her up from the coffee table and B.A. knelt down by Murdock's side. She could hear him talking softly to Murdock as Face escorted her to a chair in the kitchen. "Are you alright?"

She opened her mouth but nothing came out. Her eyes started to water. It had all happened so fast, what had she even done? She felt terrible, Murdock had made it through the past two days only to have her break him when she was simply trying to help.

"Hey hey it's ok." Face tried to get her to calm down and not cry. The whimpering sound Murdock was now making wasn't helping any.

Finally she found her voice. "What happen?" She wiped her eyes and looked passed Face and Hannibal into the living room. B.A. had turned on a small lamp by the couch and was now perched on the edge of the coffee table. Murdock was still rocking with his head covered.

Hannibal handed her a glass of water. "It's never a good idea to shake a sleeping veteran Kid. Especially one who's dealing with some difficult memories." Hannibal spoke with the sincerity of first hand knowledge. She'd been lucky she hadn't been hurt. He'd seen guys in similar situation to Murdock's go straight for their waker's throat with deadly accuracy. It of course wasn't anyones fault really, it was just that some nightmares followed you when you woke.

"I, I..." Amy started and was cut off when Murdock cried out. She could see him pushing into the back of the couch and hear to the soft constant rumble of B.A.'s deep voice as he continued to try to calm the captain. Without touching him Amy noted.

"I was just trying to help." Amy said in a small voice. He had been having a bad dream, it should have been simple. She was usually so good at comforting people. "I thought you said he was doing well."

He didn't look well as far as Amy could see. He was starting to scare her now, she'd never seen Murdock truly delirious before. "It looks like this job has been too hard on him. If he's this bad off why haven't you taken him back to the VA where they can help him through this?" It seemed the only logical course of action to her.

"Firstly," Hannibal spoke through teeth clenched down on a well chewed cigar. "Murdock_ is_ doing well for Murdock. Secondly, this isn't something the VA does a great job helping with, the only things they would do is drug him up til he's to zoned out to know which way up is or make him talk to some head shrink who thinks handholding and singing Kumbaya will make everything better. What Murdock needs is his friends, people who care about him and will support him while he deals and that's what we're doing."

Murdock was mumbling now and Amy was trying to look anywhere but at him.

"Also" Face continued. "He's having a nightmare not a breakdown, Amy. We've all had them." Amy looked at Face skeptically she wasn't convinced that what she was seeing wasn't some kind of mental break.

"Believe me Kid we know the difference." Hannibal told her with an air of authority and she did believe that he'd seen both.

"Will he be alright?" Amy asked and Face turned back to the living room and Amy could see that Murdock looked to have calmed down and B.A. was spreading the blanket back over the pilot.

"He will be we just have to give him some time."

Murdock woke up feeling more tired than when he'd fallen asleep. His hands felt cold and clammy and he was sore all over. As he opened his eyes and blinked into the dimness of the living room snatches of the nightmare he'd had came back to him in force. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to force back the terrible sights, smells, and hopeless feelings that always came with the nightmares and the memories of his time as a POW.

He trembled slightly breathing out slowly as he focused on pushing the memories back into the 'lockbox' in his mind where he tried to keep them out of sight.

He started to relax when his stomach growled and the 'lockbox' threatened to open. He swallowed back a sob and again he shut his eyes tight and tried to focus.

He knew where he was and it wasn't a prison camp in Vietnam. This wasn't the gnawing pervasive hunger that came when you were deprived of real nourishment for long lengths of time. His stomach had growled because he'd probably slept through dinner.

Still he kept his eyes closed. He knew that he was on the couch in B.A.'s hotel room and that he was safe.

Unkindly, a dark little part of his brain told him that the couch, the room, none of it was real. He was really laid out in one of the POW huts having hallucinations after having the stuffing beat out of him by VC interrogators. He'd never really ever left.

He hated that thought. It was one that really scared him. One that kept him from closing his eyes at night when he needed to sleep.

He could feel his anxiety starting. the black hole started to swallow him. He breathed deeply through his nose and bit down hard on the side of his bottom lip, trying to stay out of the darkness.

Then suddenly, like a life raft in the ocean, he could hear voices and laughter and though they were soft they were happy. He opened his eyes and this time he saw passed the dim living room into the bright warm little kitchen. He saw his friends and he knew he wanted to be with them so he pushed himself up out of the darkness both physically and mentally.

He was getting better at it everyday.

Amy saw Murdock get up off the couch and immediately she felt bad. Had they gotten too loud and woken him up?

They had all relaxed a bit after Murdock had calmed down and fallen back asleep. They were now talking and enjoying each other's company after they'd eaten.

It wasn't a long walk from the living room to the kitchenette, hardly more than a few steps. But Murdock moved kind of stiff and slow as he came their way. Amy had time to observe him.

His hair was sticking in all directions, his socks didn't match, his pants were wrinkled and his t-shirt was untucked and plastered uncomfortably to his thin frame. He looked disheveled.

"How goes it Captain?" Hannibal asked, Amy knew that was Hannibal's macho way of asking how Murdock was feeling.

Murdock squinted his eyes against the yellowy kitchen light and absently rubbed his shoulder. The one Amy had shook earlier. She could feel her cheeks getting warm. She was embarrassed. Had she unknowingly hurt him?

Amy held her breath wondering what might come out of his mouth, as he took a second to think about Hannibal's question.

Murdock seem to be assessing himself and his surroundings, he finally answered carefully. "Alright Colonel."

His eye's looked bleary and tired and even as he rubbed his shoulder his other arm snaked protectively around his stomach giving him nervous guarded air.

"Here man, sit down." B.A. got up from the end of the table and offered his seat to Murdock who refused it at first. "Sit down." B.A. ordered and the pilot sat.

"Hey Murdock did your shoulder get hurt?" Face asked as he put a plate and napkin on the table in front of the pilot.

"Uh, what?" Murdock asked like he didn't know what Face's question was referring to.

"Your shoulder, you keep rubbing it. Does it hurt? Do you want some aspirin?" Face asked. They were rarely without a scratch after most jobs, aspirin was usually on the menu for a few days afterwards.

"Oh no," Murdock looked at his shoulder before dropping his hand down to fold that arm too protectively around his stomach. "it doesn't hurt really. I think I'm remembering it hurting though."

Amy watched as the other guys, even B.A. who had brought a chair in from the bedroom nodded with understanding.

Face had a good idea which hurt Murdock was probably remembering. There hadn't been much they could do in the POW camp for injures. There were no pain killers, antiseptics, or ice supplied to them. The best they'd been able to hope for their wounds was water to clean them and some cloth to help stop the bleeding.

Murdock had stayed wounded, Face shuttered to remember, his friend was mostly one big walking wound. When he could walk. It had been so frustrating to them all that they couldn't protect their friend back then. It was no secret among the team that, even without all the reminder of that time that the last two days had brought, his shoulder and an injury to his knee from the camp sometimes bothered the pilot still.

All they had been able to do back then was try and help him when they could. They had tried hard to deal with his multitude of cuts, burns, bruises, cracks, breaks, and strains. Often the best they'd been able to do for him was try to keep him as still as possible so he didn't hurt himself further and so hopefully some things would have a chance to heal. That had been wishful thinking mostly, between the guards dragging him away and Murdock's ever enduring restless spirit he'd never had time to heal.

He had therefor been, Face knew, in constant pain and frankly damn luck to have survived. They all had been and were but Murdock more so then the rest of them. A dislocated shoulder with torn ligaments had been one in Murdock's collection of injuries courtesy of the interrogators. Face could remember Murdock holding his shoulder the same way back then that he had been just a second ago.

Amy had heard about phantom pains and muscle memory she wondered if he was really 'remembering' pain or if he'd aggravated an old war wound. She knew he'd been wounded twice officially but she did know how or where.

"Amy brought you a turkey sub Murdock." Hannibal held it out across the table and Murdock hesitated but then reached across and took the offered sandwich.

With his bare arm stretched out in front of her Amy couldn't help but see the scars on his forearm and elbow, round burns, long pale lines, jagged puckered marks. She quickly looked elsewhere even though she wanted to keep looking and know the stories behind them.

"Hey Amy, thanks for the food." Murdock said sincerely with a small smile that lit up his face. Amy smiled back.

"You're welcome." It was the least she could do.

A look of relief washed over Murdock as he unwrapped the sandwich. He seemed to perk up. "I bet all B.A. has in this place is peanut butter." Murdock said with a drawl and chuckled a little to himself.

"Says the crazy fool who only ate peanut butter and banana sandwiches for a week." B.A. grumbled but Amy could see his smile.

"I was trying to channel Elvis B.A."

TBC...

I thought it was going to be three but I think now four chapters should do it. In the next one Murdock tries to help. If there are any glaring grammatical errors please let me know and I'll try to fix them. Thanks for reading and I'm very grateful for all your reviews and support. It's been really nice writing and posting again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: **Food

"I was trying to channel Elvis B.A." Murdock explained and then took a big bite of his sandwich and swallowed it half chewed. Then went and took another big bite and swallowed it hastily.

"Whoa man, slow down this ain't no race." B.A. poured milk into Murdock's glass.

"Yeah Murdock make sure you chew." Face gave a friendly warning.

Murdock looked up from his sandwich and saw all of his friends watching him eat. He suddenly felt guilty that he was eating while they weren't. "Do you guys want some?" He asked holding the sandwich out to them. He didn't know if they'd eaten yet or not, or if they'd all gotten enough food. "I only took two bites there's still a lot left, enough to share."

"We've eaten ours already but thank you Captain." Hannibal spoke graciously from the other end of the table.

"Are you sure? What about you Big Guy, do you want some?" Murdock knew it took a lot to fill up his friend.

"I'm good man, you eat that it's yours." Murdock searched B.A.'s face to make sure he was telling the truth.

Murdock looked around the table once more and then went back to eating. This time he concentrated on chewing deliberately and slow, as much to keep from choking as to give everyone ample opportunity in case they changed their minds and wanted some.

Face went on regaling them with the story of a particularly disastrous date he'd once had. Amy wasn't paying much attention. After the whole golf ball lecture and shaking indecent Amy felt she really should try to be more alert and sensitive to Murdock. She figured paying a bit more attention to him could only help.

She sat wondered now if trying to share his dinner was something Murdock did often. She couldn't remember him doing it before but usually he ate with the team and saw for himself that they did indeed all have enough food. It could be that he was being oddly polite offering to share because he was uncomfortable eating while the rest of them didn't but that didn't strike Amy as his reasoning. Murdock's offer was much to genuine to be simple politeness.

She knew in her heart that his act of generosity was because of his memories of when the team were starving in the POW camp. Amy mused on the thought and came to the conclusion that it had upset him that he didn't see the others eat so he really didn't know if they'd had food or not?

It broke her heart. She could image the guys giving up their meager rations to help boost the strength of the weak and ailing pilot. She could hear his refusal to except their offer and his concern for them in turn in her head. The drama played out in her mind, she knew if it were a movie she'd be a sobbing wreck with an empty box of tissues by the end credits.

Murdock stopped mid bite when he noticed Amy staring in his direction. 'Was she staring at him or the sandwich' he was unsure. He was determined to find out. He leaned over to her so he didn't interrupt Face's story. he quietly asked her if she wanted part of his sub.

Amy blinked when Murdock whispered his question in her ear. She had drifted off into her thoughts and hadn't realized she'd been staring.

She felt bad when her eyes focused and she realized she'd been staring at his rarely bare arms. She quickly looked away from his visible scars and up at his eyes.

His face was open with genuine concern for her. 'He's concerned that I might be hungry' Amy realized. She shook her head 'no' in response to his question and smiled at him.

She was trying for a grateful and reassuring smile. It was apparent rather quickly that she hadn't pull it off when his expression suddenly shifted to guarded and questioning and he sat back awkwardly.

She had a sinking feeling that he must have seen pity she was feeling in her eyes.

Pity is a feeling of sadness and compassion. She couldn't help feeling it when she looked at Murdock. Every new layer that was revealed in his story uncovered a new tragedy. She felt bad yet again, It was very apparent from the look on his face that her pity was not something he wanted or understood.

She tried to amend the mistake she'd made. She leaned forward towards him now "That sandwich is for you, you eat what you want." She tried to sound friendly but she wondered after the words had left her mouth if they had sounded patronizing to him. She hoped not.

His expression didn't change, his eyes were narrowed and filled with question.

She reach out and put a hand on his forearm. It was a familiar friendly gesture in her mind, one that was meant to show him that she cared.

Her hand lay on his bare skin. Her thumb brushed against one of the round puckered scars she'd seen earlier. She looked down at her hand and the scar that she was touching and thought that 'whatever had caused it had most definitely been painful.'

She remembered the terrified look he'd had earlier, the word 'torture' flashed in her mind and all she wanted to do was help assuage his fear. He deserved that.

Amy looked back up and saw that Murdock was staring at her hand on his arm. When he looked up to meet her eyes she gave him a sympathetic look. 'Sympathy and pity weren't the same right?' She hoped it conveyed that she was here for him.

Murdock had only asked if she wanted some of his sandwich because he wanted to make sure she wasn't hungry. Now she was talking at him and looking at him like he was a four year old who's dog had died. 'what did she think was happening?' he wondered.

Her hand was still on him arm. He looked at it for a second it felt odd but he was still tired and was having a difficult time identifying the cause of the feeling. His let his mind process what he was seeing.

'Her hand was on his arm. Her hand was on his bare arm. Her hand was touching his skin with her thumb gently rubbing against one of the scars he'd gotten when a VC interrogator put a lit cigarette out on his arm.' His next thought gave him a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. 'She'd been staring not at his sandwich but at the scars on his bare arms and now she was giving him a look of pity.'

Murdock's mind kept working. 'she wouldn't pity him for just some old scars. That meant she must know where they came from. She must have heard all about their time in the camp. Why would the guys have told her so much? Told her something so personal?' There was one word that completed the equation for him. 'Nightmare.'

Murdock flinched back from Amy's touch startling everyone at the table. He could feel all their eyes on him as the room got quiet. He shrunk back embarrassed.

"Boy, darling your hand sure is cold." He tried to joke and deflect the attention. "We should find you some mittens before you catch cold." He drawled in a husky too emotional voice. The smile he stuck on his face looked awkward and didn't reach his eyes.

He stood up unexpectedly and started wrapping the uneaten half of his sub back in the paper it came in. "Can I put this in your fridge B.A.? I was thinking I'd just save it for later. It'll be there if you know anybody needs a midnight snack or something, it might make someone a good breakfast. Turkey subs are good for a balanced breakfast." Murdock rambled as he moved around the kitchen not really looking at anyone.

"Are you sure you're done Murdock, cause you only ate half?" Face knew he had heard the pilot's stomach growl earlier and he was concerned. He certainly didn't want Murdock not eating because he thought he or one of the other's might want the sandwich.

"Hum yeah Face I'm sure, I'm done." Murdock stood apart of the rest of them. He had his arms wrapped around himself again and along with a sad note in his soft voice Face saw something akin to hurt in Murdock's eyes when he looked back at him.

B.A. had noticed Murdock and Amy interacting before Murdock jumped up. The Sargent looked at Amy wondering what had happened between them that had upset his friend.

Hannibal sitting across from Murdock had had the best view of Murdock pulling his arm away from Amy. Hannibal surmised the younger man had become self-conscious under Miss Allen's new hyper exhaustive observation. He'd watched her watching Murdock like a David Attenborough nature documentary the whole time they were sitting at the table.

"I, I know it's late but can someone drop me back at the VA tonight?" Murdock directed the question to the floor and the walls looking to no one member of the team in particular. If he was going to go he sort of hoped Hannibal would take him. Hannibal was usually best at not treating him differently when he had a rough spell.

"Is that what you want?" Face asked seriously. Murdock wasn't often eager to go back to the hospital especially this late.

Murdock brought his hand up to rub his eyebrow partially obscuring his eyes. It was a telling gesture that the other guys knew meant the next words out of his mouth would be a lie. "There's an art therapy pottery class tomorrow morning that I'd hate to miss."

Murdock didn't wait for anyone to question him. He simply turned and walked out of the kitchen.

TBC...

thank you for reading and thank you for your reviews.


	5. Chapter 5

(make sure to read chpt 4 first)**  
**

**Chapter Five: **Support

The guys all looked a each other and wondered what they should do next. What was going on in Murdock's head was anybody's guess. Of course one of them had been the catalyst in this.

Hannibal looked to Amy. She'd done something that set the pilot off and she clearly felt guilty about it. She looked positively crestfallen.

Hannibal didn't blame her too much, she was new and none of them, especially Murdock, came with instruction manuals, she was flying blind.

Amy knew if she wanted to continue to be part of the team she needed to at least try to make things right. Even though it made her nervous, who knew what she would get wrong next, Amy got up from the table to join Murdock in the living room.

Face got up to follow her and Hannibal stopped him "Let her."

"Are you sure Hannibal?"

"Let her try." Hannibal wasn't sure, not as sure as he was trying to project.

He knew that Amy wasn't trying to hurt Murdock and he was pretty sure she couldn't upset him more then she already had. Of course Hannibal was always working on a plan. His mind was running scenarios for how they would pick up the pieces if this went terribly wrong.

Face sat back down and kept quiet so he might hear what was happening in the next room. B.A. backed up his chair slightly so he had a clear view.

Murdock had put his hat and jacket back on and was fidgeting with the zipper as he stood at the door waiting. He didn't really want to go back to the VA yet, but he was embarrassed and he didn't want the team to have to deal with his difficulties, he was sure they had their own to deal with, after this job.

Sure he had gotten lots better in the passed ten years. He didn't have nightmares every night now, he didn't let his memories leave him huddled crying in a corner, and he was getting much better at fighting back his anxiety.

He felt more comfortable now with his jacket back on, less exposed.

He imagined Amy must have witnessed one of his real bad nightmare for her to look at him like she had. He'd seen that look on the faces of kindly nurses. They often smiled with pity in their eyes after he'd had a rough day. Especially the young nurses who didn't know any better. They didn't know that their pity was the last thing any soldier wanted.

'The guys must have had to explain about what happened at the camp after he'd scared her just so she would understand why he was as crazy as he was.' He thought bitterly. He squeezed his eyes shut and fought against the thoughts of the camp floated threw him mind.

"Murdock?" Amy asked. He was standing with his back to her, the painting tiger on his jacket practically a billboard warning her to stay back. She was too stubborn to be deterred now.

"Murdock," She spoke clearly. "I didn't mean to over step my bounds, it was rude of me to stare and I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." She had the urge to take him by the shoulder and turn him to face her so he could see just how sincere she was, but she quickly thought better of it.

The jacket zipper he'd been fiddling with stop going up and down and he crossed his arms defensively around himself. She waited for him to say something.

When he didn't speak she continued. "I don't mean to bring it up..." She started the sentence nervously not knowing if it was a terrible idea to broach the subject. "but the guys told me some more about what happened when all of you were in that POW camp and I just... I'm sorry for what happened to you Murdock."

She paused and waited, when he spoke the words were soft.

"You've said that before Amy and I appreciate that. it's certainly a nicer sentiment than lots of people give. But being sorry isn't nearly as helpful as you might think." He had a hard time keeping the hurt out of his voice.

"I know it. I just, I want to help, I do, I just don't know how Murdock. I don't want to keep doing the wrong thing. Is there anything I can do?"

Murdock shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, his shoulders slumped timidly and turned around to face her. In his pocket his hand wrapped around the golf ball with the cut out smile and he remembered The Golf Ball Liberation Force.

He'd forgotten that only earlier that day he'd asked her to write a story about the golf balls. The 'tortured' golf balls.

It was possible, he realized with some relief, that the guys had been trying to protect him from himself by explaining things to Amy.

He knew her heart was in the right place. He didn't want to be thought of as broken and he didn't want to scare her, he knew he should probably explain some things too. To help them both.

Murdock pulled the golf ball out of his pocket and looked at it a second before showing it too her.

She looked slightly worried at the reemergence of the golf ball. Like she was worried he might break. He could only hope that she would understand.

"You can help Amy. Will you take care of this little guy for me? I'm afraid it can be a big job. He needs a little more attention then your average baseball or racket ball or even football." Murdock spoke evenly without his usual accents or theatrics.

Her first instinct was to plaster on a smile and nod at his childish ramblings but she fought that and tried hard to listen carefully to what he was saying.

"You see Amy this little golf ball has had some rough times. Now, he knew the life of a golf ball wasn't going to be easy. In fact he worked very hard to be the very best golf ball there was. He flew over the greens and the fairways always striving to come in under par. He did his job and he did it well, he will always be proud of that.

The thing is during his time on the course he met a few too many brutal driving irons and hit a few too many sand traps and they took their toll. It's the price he has to pay, he understands that.

He knows he has more to offer the world, he's not done yet. He works everyday to be brave and strong. It's hard though for the little guy cause some people think that since he's always got those sand traps in the back of his mind and sometimes he does things they think are odd that he's not fit for even a putt putt course.

Know that it's not true putt putt, green, or driving range he still has it in him. He might just have to have a little more help now. He'd like your help Amy, just if you're gonna look after this little fella you need to remember don't pity him for his misfortunes. He needs your understanding and support because he's survived the ordeal and now he just wants to live his life."

Murdock finished his speech and handed her the golf ball.

She took it tenderly and he knew that she knew that he wasn't talking about the golf ball.

A small smile returned to his face and reached his big brown eyes. "So I never heard, how did things go with Lin?"

Amy was still holding the golf ball when she and Murdock walked back into the kitchenette. Face looked from the ball to Murdock back to Amy trying to judge what the damage was. "So Murdock do you still want that ride?"

Murdock ducked his head bashfully.

"Hum no, that is if I can stay here? Can I stay here tonight B.A.?" Murdock asked. He wanted to stay, he hoped they wouldn't feel too burdened because he always felt better when he was around the team.

B.A. looked around the room, he was pretty sure that Amy would head home eventually, that still left the four of them bedding down in the small hotel room. They'd shared worst accommodations. B.A. shook off the more traumatic of the images that thought brought to mind. "Yeah you can stay Crazy Man, but if we're all sleeping here someone is gonna hafta sleep on the floor and it ain't me."

Murdock nodded and yawned.

* * *

B.A. knew that the fool would insist on taking the floor tonight, but they would probably give him the bed and make him sleep in it. They all knew that when their pilot was having a rough patch he was slightly less prone to nightmares about the prison camp if he was in a real bed not on the hard floor or the couch that was too short for his long legs.

B.A. would fight for the couch on the grounds that it was his place and Face would fight for the couch because he needed a good nights sleep because he had to go and scam a new place to live in the morning. Hannibal would pull rank and he would get the couch. B.A. knew he would relent and give it to Hannibal and he'd let Hannibal think it was because of rank. Really it would have a little to do with Hannibal being the oldest.

B.A. know he would most likely end up sleeping on the floor next to the bed.

That way if the crazy fool did have a nightmare or the memories got too bad B.A. would be there for him.

That's the way it would go tonight. That's the way it often went after the personal jobs, the ones that sent all of them reeling through a wild ride of memories and raw emotions. This one had been one of the craziest in recent memory. 'Just like if Murdock was the pilot' B.A. thought with a chuckle.

**The end**

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.

I'm really shocked how long the ending got I had to break it in to two chapter just to try and edit it. I hope it all stayed congruent, that's been my biggest fear. It was certainly writing this and watching the show have been a nice distraction from the job hunting I'm doing now which is really no fun. Thanks again.


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